he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
