as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
