I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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