paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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