I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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