Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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