No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize