this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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