I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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