I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
