YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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