oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
