i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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