u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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