Pants 0. Shit 1.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
