why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize