Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
it glows. i had to have it.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
My penis needs a shock collar
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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