ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
