Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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