glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
