I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
