I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
should my penis look like a turkey
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
