at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
