Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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