I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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