Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
