They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
