My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
