Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
