smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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