The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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