This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
