all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
