Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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