apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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