Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
