She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
