And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
