when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
