That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
