the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
