I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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