kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
