Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
