There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
