I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
