it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
