It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
