Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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