It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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