Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
