it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
