youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
