I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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