We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
