don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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