well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
