i jhust puked up my retainher.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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