I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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