thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
