Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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