Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
