No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
