Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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