I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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