I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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