he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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