I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Randomize
