WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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