i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
