They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
