Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
